I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
