he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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