Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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