sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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