Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
