My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Shame is for Republicans.
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