Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
