Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
