I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
