You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
