she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
