I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
