I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
