His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
