I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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