its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
