all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
