Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
