Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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