He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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