i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love you. Go after that dick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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