She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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