You made me cry and you don't even care
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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