Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
