Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
