It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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