they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
