Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
