she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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