My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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