I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
