I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
