A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
