her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
