Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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