Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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