I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
