Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
