Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
