I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
In America we eat man semen.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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