Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
