Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
