Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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