small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
