Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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