Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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