Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
