my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
