The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
