bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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